I swear I am becoming like the QUEEN of self-assessment. I mean, it's more interesting to me than any book I've ever read. Getting to know my damn self..what a concept! I'd say over the past 4 years or so, I've been in the process of putting it all together. I mean, I'm still crawling....don't get me wrong, but the fact that I made it past not being able to sit up on my own is a real accomplishment.
The ironic thing is that I really feel quite ahead of the game in this whole thing b/c I know SO many people who don't have a clue of who they really are and why they do what they do. They just live, spew out a bunch a crap and either expect people to deal with it b/c "that's just them" or they have a whole novel full of excuses that they pull out time and time again. It's to those that I say...go have a seat and figure out.
With some of my "issues" I'd say I'm almost there with overcoming them. For instance, my faces. Now I'd say 55% of the time I have this expression that, to others, appears to be "attitude/annoyance" when in all actuality I'm either chillin' or thinking. I get it honest, to the point where it was never even addressed b/c if you glance at my mom or little brother...you'd get the same thing. So my entire life..I'd get the "why do you look so mean", "I thought you were arrogant..but you're actually cool", "what's wrong with you"..and so on. Now I used to next insert my real annoyed face...and either say nothing or give a huffy "I'm fine." B/c as far as I was concerned everyone else needed to get over it and let me do me. As I've continued traveling down my road..I've learned to handle others w/ a bit more consideration a) because they don't know me b) It's not there responsibility to except whatever I give just b/c I decide to not try and change it. So, I've moved past acknowledgement and to the point where I will address it. If someone asks about it I try(as best as I can) to smile, and even in "new" settings try and think about what my expressions are.
I have a few others that I don't feel like typing about that are issues in regards to myself. I'd say in the past 2 years since I've gotten back in to really dating I've learned ALOT about myself when it comes to dating. I actually learned that I'm a nut just like all the rest of the chicks. ISN'T THAT CRAZY?!? Who knew? I swore I was SO together...
And I'm not saying I'm a slash-your-tires-call-all-the-numbers-in-your-phone-and-say-we're-married-get-you-fired-from-your-job nut. But a nut, yet in still. I've learned that things that are so basic for others are like SO crucial for me. I think everyone is liked this, it's just that many haven't figured out what those things are. For instance, and I've mentioned this before, but I SUCK at communicating. Like, I wish I could talk to someone that could tell me why I'm like this. I'll talk to friends who'll be like "just come out with it, go talk to him..what's the big deal" and I can fully tell that it's not an "easier said than done situation" b/c I know them enough to know that it's just who they are. For me, talking about anything having to do with feelings is like pulling teeth. I have to go through these self-motivating internal cheering rants[Go Fan-Dreamy, just do it...okay in 30 seconds, just GO!!!]...looney! HAA..I have to chuckle at how ridiculous I am. I write email instead of talking, I'll write letters and never send them...complete maniac. But it's been acknowledged and I work on it...in my own way. Be proud of my progress b/c I was once much worse.
Another thing is pride. My entire life my friends have told me "you're too prideful...what's the big deal" about this or that. Funny thing is, I wouldn't even say I disagreed. I guess I just felt like, "oh well, that's just me." When the truth was, I never had a reason to be different...it was working just fine for me. Until about a year and a half ago. The first guy I'd dated seriously since college...and when I tell you being "me" just wasn't gonna fly. Do you know he was the 1st guy I'd taken out? I'm a grown-ass woman and I promise, I'd just never thought about it until he brought it up. We were trying to decide what we were gonna do one day...[I'm so feeling the new Outkast, "Morris Brown..random, sorry]and he's like "Well, I'm sure the only way we'd do anything is if I take you out." I'm like "I can take you out, it's not a big deal". Granted this was after about 8 months of dating. Hell, nobody ever told me men cared about that? Now I know. Okay, don't think that had anything to do with pride, but I felt compelled to mention it.
Back to pride, but it's like so real for me. It's like something inside me that won't really allow people to "try" me or even allow for me to feel like I'm being "tried". I'm not gonna totally expose myself to you voyeurs but let's just say it at time hinders me in opening up, and with that I could potentially miss out. An ex even had the never to tell me the other day "you'd never do that, you have to much pride...you're gonna miss out being like that." Nigga think he know me...whatever. Nonetheless, I acknowledge it..and I push myself to be different. Not totally, but just when necessary..for me. I like this place.
Thursday, August 24, 2006
Friday, August 18, 2006
I Can Only Be Me...
Okay, so I was told to just go with my flow on this whole blog thing. I'm feelin' that. I don't know if it's the thought that others will likely read this or what that makes me feel that I need to have some type of format. I guess it's just my need for structure ..who knows.
- The fact that others view this thing is intriguing, yet limiting.
- I don't know how I feel about that.
- Probably the reason I don't blog more often.
- Whatever.
- Why is it that I blog most often when I'm in a funk.
- Maybe I won't call it a funk..but definitely a mood. I'm just kind of relishing in my thoughts today, trying to find the best escape route for them.
- I've been pretty unsuccessful so far.
- Sometimes I think I'm a little TOO damn considerate...hell, people don't give a damn about hurting my feelings.
- Oh well.
- I wear my emotions in my song.
- Safer than my sleeve, I never wear them there.
- I'd like to have as much control over their access and if I can't totally control it, I give it a good college try.
- Plus, they clash w/ my swagger...I do have an image to uphold, you know.
- Random.
- I feel like I'm trying to eat ice cream in a valley of forks. I mean, really..there are forks like EVERYWHERE. I'm starving so I'm trying my best with the damn fork... They're available, I'm hungry. The fork works just fine when either I'm not hungry and just eating to eat or when I'm starving b/c I'll take what I can get...but when I really want to enjoy every bite, taste every ingredient, savor all the flavors..the fork fails to deliver! That's some BS, it's too many freakin' forks floating around! Where's the spoon...where's the damn spoon?
- Indecent proposal is on...I should pay attention to the movie and rewatch it now that I'm old. B/c from my recollection, the premise was $1M to sleep w/ wife...couple does not have $1M. Where's the problem? Again, I'll watch it again, b/c maybe I'm missing alot of the fundamentals.
- I'm just saying...take one for the team. But again, I repeat the disclaimer: I haven't seen this since I was a kid so maybe there's more to the story.
OH, I was supposed to recap Mexico. I should've done this when I first got back b/c anyone who knows me knows that I'm very to the point so the little details get lost in the storm. I'll see what I can muster up about it.
- Lost my ID sometime b/w boarding the plane in Houston and de-planning in Mexico.
- Nope, not lying.
- Glad I speak proper english and I'm not too hard on the eyes...I'd probably still be sitting in the aeropuerto.
- Try and act all PC if ya'll want to, you know it's true. Had I been talkin' all like dis and had a gold front and some braids...they'da been lookin' at me like, "I'm sorry, there's nothing we can do. We didn't make the rules."
- God is on my side. Trust!
- tangent..sorry.
- "We give a complimentary breakfast and bottle of tequila to all of our preferred guest. That'll be $28."
- Nana and the security lady story! HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!
- I was bamboozled a time or two.
- TAXI!!
- Beautiful views, hot sand, deadly waters.
- "I thought I was a goner ya'll, I thought this was it." - Fan-Dreamy(I'll keep that, sR)
- Taboo...I SHALL NOT LOSE!!
- The happy couple were a sight for sore eyes.
- The apple may not fall far from the tree, but at least once they fall they don't have to worry about being associated w/ the other loser apples. YIKES...watch your siblings.
- Lizard, I know you're scared too, but run the OTHER way!!
- EL SQUID ROE, table dancing, and the Substitute Pimp.
- check email.
- Mess around and play MJ in Mexico....trouble, trouble. DON'T STOP TIL YOU GET ENOUGH!!! please note the picture below...this does NO justice to the spectacle I was forced to witness. Embarrassed and Associated.
- Suave House..too cold, too cold.
- "I only paid $6 dollars on the way here..."
- Okay, but just get out...what's her name?
- Budget Ballin': Quesidillas on resort $9...Back alley Taqueria $1.50.
- "Why ya'll keep runnin' from me..?" - Tommy Hilfiger tank in the club
- Yo girl, Baha.
- "Calling all Sorors to the floor...."
- Mama know how to drop it too.
- "Now you know I look like Woody from Toy Story in this hat..."
- BINGO!!
- The darkies in the pool try to escape death (choking, flailing and gagging included) after sliding down the dolphin slide into the six feet.
- Six-year old whities swim by.
- "When in Mexico, let them stick to what they know"...words to live by, next time..I'll just have a taco.
- SANCHO PANZA...um, um good!
- "La Cucaracha, La Cucaracha"...warn me next time before you breakout, kid. please?.
- I'm still as ignorant as I was 10 years ago when it comes to laughter. I can't help it...I've tried.
- In Mexico, people pimp their kids...Chiclet anyone?
- They'd sell you a pen cap before they put up a sign saying "please help".
- I respect you...here's a buck.
- The return of Treetop apple juice.
- "I don't have time to give you the whole deal, will you come to my presentation if I give you $300.....oh, ok. I had to ask" -Grand Hustle
- And the academy award goes to....CHERRY CHICLE'!!!
- "If you can't make it in America, you ain't shit" - Daddy Morand
- Spoken like a true pimp.
- "If I give you dollars, don't give me pesos" "...don't giver her pesos, Fan-Dreamy don't want pesos"
- Did she just say 'all the engagements'?
- Finally...my email came containing the Bally's health club card. What?..Your printers broken???
- "Where's the help?" - Potentially stuck in Mexico selling Chiclet
- Thanks Veronica!
- Since when is $50 dollars for a taxi a deal?
- 7 baggage screens, one errored detainment, and one missed connecting flight later...
HOME SWEET HOME. God Bless America!
- The fact that others view this thing is intriguing, yet limiting.
- I don't know how I feel about that.
- Probably the reason I don't blog more often.
- Whatever.
- Why is it that I blog most often when I'm in a funk.
- Maybe I won't call it a funk..but definitely a mood. I'm just kind of relishing in my thoughts today, trying to find the best escape route for them.
- I've been pretty unsuccessful so far.
- Sometimes I think I'm a little TOO damn considerate...hell, people don't give a damn about hurting my feelings.
- Oh well.
- I wear my emotions in my song.
- Safer than my sleeve, I never wear them there.
- I'd like to have as much control over their access and if I can't totally control it, I give it a good college try.
- Plus, they clash w/ my swagger...I do have an image to uphold, you know.
- Random.
- I feel like I'm trying to eat ice cream in a valley of forks. I mean, really..there are forks like EVERYWHERE. I'm starving so I'm trying my best with the damn fork... They're available, I'm hungry. The fork works just fine when either I'm not hungry and just eating to eat or when I'm starving b/c I'll take what I can get...but when I really want to enjoy every bite, taste every ingredient, savor all the flavors..the fork fails to deliver! That's some BS, it's too many freakin' forks floating around! Where's the spoon...where's the damn spoon?
- Indecent proposal is on...I should pay attention to the movie and rewatch it now that I'm old. B/c from my recollection, the premise was $1M to sleep w/ wife...couple does not have $1M. Where's the problem? Again, I'll watch it again, b/c maybe I'm missing alot of the fundamentals.
- I'm just saying...take one for the team. But again, I repeat the disclaimer: I haven't seen this since I was a kid so maybe there's more to the story.
OH, I was supposed to recap Mexico. I should've done this when I first got back b/c anyone who knows me knows that I'm very to the point so the little details get lost in the storm. I'll see what I can muster up about it.
- Lost my ID sometime b/w boarding the plane in Houston and de-planning in Mexico.
- Nope, not lying.
- Glad I speak proper english and I'm not too hard on the eyes...I'd probably still be sitting in the aeropuerto.
- Try and act all PC if ya'll want to, you know it's true. Had I been talkin' all like dis and had a gold front and some braids...they'da been lookin' at me like, "I'm sorry, there's nothing we can do. We didn't make the rules."
- God is on my side. Trust!
- tangent..sorry.
- "We give a complimentary breakfast and bottle of tequila to all of our preferred guest. That'll be $28."
- Nana and the security lady story! HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!
- I was bamboozled a time or two.
- TAXI!!
- Beautiful views, hot sand, deadly waters.
- "I thought I was a goner ya'll, I thought this was it." - Fan-Dreamy(I'll keep that, sR)
- Taboo...I SHALL NOT LOSE!!
- The happy couple were a sight for sore eyes.
- The apple may not fall far from the tree, but at least once they fall they don't have to worry about being associated w/ the other loser apples. YIKES...watch your siblings.
- Lizard, I know you're scared too, but run the OTHER way!!
- EL SQUID ROE, table dancing, and the Substitute Pimp.
- check email.
- Mess around and play MJ in Mexico....trouble, trouble. DON'T STOP TIL YOU GET ENOUGH!!! please note the picture below...this does NO justice to the spectacle I was forced to witness. Embarrassed and Associated.
- Suave House..too cold, too cold.- "I only paid $6 dollars on the way here..."
- Okay, but just get out...what's her name?
- Budget Ballin': Quesidillas on resort $9...Back alley Taqueria $1.50.
- "Why ya'll keep runnin' from me..?" - Tommy Hilfiger tank in the club
- Yo girl, Baha.
- "Calling all Sorors to the floor...."
- Mama know how to drop it too.
- "Now you know I look like Woody from Toy Story in this hat..."
- BINGO!!
- The darkies in the pool try to escape death (choking, flailing and gagging included) after sliding down the dolphin slide into the six feet.
- Six-year old whities swim by.
- "When in Mexico, let them stick to what they know"...words to live by, next time..I'll just have a taco.
- SANCHO PANZA...um, um good!
- "La Cucaracha, La Cucaracha"...warn me next time before you breakout, kid. please?.
- I'm still as ignorant as I was 10 years ago when it comes to laughter. I can't help it...I've tried.
- In Mexico, people pimp their kids...Chiclet anyone?
- They'd sell you a pen cap before they put up a sign saying "please help".
- I respect you...here's a buck.
- The return of Treetop apple juice.
- "I don't have time to give you the whole deal, will you come to my presentation if I give you $300.....oh, ok. I had to ask" -Grand Hustle
- And the academy award goes to....CHERRY CHICLE'!!!
- "If you can't make it in America, you ain't shit" - Daddy Morand
- Spoken like a true pimp.
- "If I give you dollars, don't give me pesos" "...don't giver her pesos, Fan-Dreamy don't want pesos"
- Did she just say 'all the engagements'?
- Finally...my email came containing the Bally's health club card. What?..Your printers broken???
- "Where's the help?" - Potentially stuck in Mexico selling Chiclet
- Thanks Veronica!
- Since when is $50 dollars for a taxi a deal?
- 7 baggage screens, one errored detainment, and one missed connecting flight later...
HOME SWEET HOME. God Bless America!
Saturday, August 05, 2006
The past, present, and hope for the future...
...live in the lyrics. Music rules me...I can't control what it does to me. Don't want to. I feel safe and free within the it. It never lets me down, and during my best and worst...always knows just what to say.
25 of my favorite quotes(no specific order)...they all make me feel tingly..so that's enough for them to get a spot on the list. Whether I feel the message, or just think it was a clever play on words...good enough. A few of these are in my favorite songs' list, but I guess the two may go hand in hand at times.
Disclaimer: I know many of my are slow jams/love songs...I'm not depressed...just an R&B chick. It's my genre..it gets me and speaks for me, often. Actually, screw the disclaimer...I can feel what I want.
1. "You're ruling the way that I move/and I breathe your air/you, only, can rescue me/this is my prayer" - Sade, Cherish the Day
2. "I think the angels are your brothers/they told you about me/said you're just what she needs/and I find myself thanking your mother/for giving birth to a saint/my spirit flys when I say your name" - Amel Larrieux, Make Me Whole
3. "I sell ice in the winter/ I sell fire in hell/I'm a hustler, baby/I'll sell water to whale"
-Jay-Z, U Don't Know
4. "You should be mine/anything you want..you've got/you fortify my love/you fortify me"
- Jeffrey Osborne, You Should Be Mine
5. "You taught me precious secrets/of a true love/you're holding nothing/you came out in front, when I was hiding/now I'm so much better/and if my words don't come together/listen to the melody/because my love is in there hiding" - Donny Hathaway, A Song For You (whew, I'm damn near tearing up..I could type out this whole damn song...I can't wait until someone comes along where I can REALLY feel it...I been done had a heartattack!!!!)
6. "Even when I broke your heart/it was my sin/that tore us apart/but I'm standing right here/in the midst of my tears/I claim you to be/The precious lamb of God" -Various artists, Now Behold the Lamb
7. "She rubbed me on my back and called me Mr. Sexy/Tell me I didn't finesse Mahogany" - Eric B. and Rakim, Mahogany
8. "We could be on seperate planets/the earth or the moon/Heart to heart, we're still tune/and you know..hearts don't lie/I don't care if we're not together/'cause that's the part that never lasts forever/..I bet you always will" - Tweet, Always Will
9. "If you're lost/you can look/and you will find me/Time after Time../if you fall I will catch you/I will be waiting" - Cyndi Lauper, Time After Time
10. "I won't pretend/that I intend to stop living/I won't pretend/I'm good at forgetting/but I can't hate you/although I have tried/I still really, really love you/love is stronger than pride"
-Sade, Stronger than Pride
11. "My fears are all gone/I like the sound of your song/and I think I wanna sing it forever"
-Anita Baker, Giving You the Best That I've Got
12. "I'm the lady sippin' baileys/while I strut like a model/If the ladies wanna hate me/I just send 'em a bottle" -Beyonce, In the Club (get's me me in the mood to go out and shut 'em down..)
13. "If you don't want me/then don't talk to me" -Fantasia, Free Yourself ('nuff said...love it!!)
14. "I'm insecure/but I can't help it/my heart says move on/my heart lags behind/but, I don't love you anymore/yes I do, I think/loving you is wrong..."
-Erykah Badu, Green Eyes (this got me through ya'll...I could type this whole song as well, choosing which verse to use was hard..VERY hard)
15. "In the right place/with the right mind and the right line/boy, you could get a lifetime contract"
-Twista, Emotions
16. "If I'm a drink/you're my lemon squeeze/oh, you got flavor boy/you go good with me"
- Aaliyah, It's Whatever
17. "...cause I'm tired of all the complaining/if you ain't never gonna change it/you can't change the way I feel" -Brandy, How I Feel
18. "Wearing the cross/I mean, the heart on my neck" - Common, Faithful
19. "if you need the love/I got the love that you need/and I pray to God one day that they will see/ they'll see that I'm all that you need/Nothing is promised.." - Jagged Edge, Promise
20. "I've been holding back/what I feel/Love so real/I can't wait another minute" - Hi Five, Can't Wait Another Minute (It's not rocket science...all things don't need to be deep)
21. "Reaching out into distance/searching for spirits of the past/just a trace of your existence..to grasp/and if somehow I could recapture/all of the memories/and bring them to life/Lord knows, I would/but now you're fading faster/getting so hard to see/you've taken the light/you're fading out of my sight, swiftly" - Mariah Carey, Vanishing
22. "If God one day struck me blind/you're beauty I'd still see/Love's too weak to define/just what you mean to me" -Prince, Adore
23. "yes, I got candy kisses for you lips/Yes, I got some honey suckle chocolate dipping kisses full of love for you/My life has been waiting for your love/My arms have been waiting for you love to arrive..." -Stevie Wonder, Do I Do
24. "I will keep your secrets/just think of me as the pages of your diary" -Alicia Keys, Diary (Always, in spite..this will remain!!!)
25. "My attitude is fuck it/and muthafucka's love it!!" -Tupac, Ambitionz az a Ridah
This was so much fun...I could go on all day. But I guess I've been on the computer WAY too long already. Maybe I'll do it again..soon.er or later.
25 of my favorite quotes(no specific order)...they all make me feel tingly..so that's enough for them to get a spot on the list. Whether I feel the message, or just think it was a clever play on words...good enough. A few of these are in my favorite songs' list, but I guess the two may go hand in hand at times.
Disclaimer: I know many of my are slow jams/love songs...I'm not depressed...just an R&B chick. It's my genre..it gets me and speaks for me, often. Actually, screw the disclaimer...I can feel what I want.
1. "You're ruling the way that I move/and I breathe your air/you, only, can rescue me/this is my prayer" - Sade, Cherish the Day
2. "I think the angels are your brothers/they told you about me/said you're just what she needs/and I find myself thanking your mother/for giving birth to a saint/my spirit flys when I say your name" - Amel Larrieux, Make Me Whole
3. "I sell ice in the winter/ I sell fire in hell/I'm a hustler, baby/I'll sell water to whale"
-Jay-Z, U Don't Know
4. "You should be mine/anything you want..you've got/you fortify my love/you fortify me"
- Jeffrey Osborne, You Should Be Mine
5. "You taught me precious secrets/of a true love/you're holding nothing/you came out in front, when I was hiding/now I'm so much better/and if my words don't come together/listen to the melody/because my love is in there hiding" - Donny Hathaway, A Song For You (whew, I'm damn near tearing up..I could type out this whole damn song...I can't wait until someone comes along where I can REALLY feel it...I been done had a heartattack!!!!)
6. "Even when I broke your heart/it was my sin/that tore us apart/but I'm standing right here/in the midst of my tears/I claim you to be/The precious lamb of God" -Various artists, Now Behold the Lamb
7. "She rubbed me on my back and called me Mr. Sexy/Tell me I didn't finesse Mahogany" - Eric B. and Rakim, Mahogany
8. "We could be on seperate planets/the earth or the moon/Heart to heart, we're still tune/and you know..hearts don't lie/I don't care if we're not together/'cause that's the part that never lasts forever/..I bet you always will" - Tweet, Always Will
9. "If you're lost/you can look/and you will find me/Time after Time../if you fall I will catch you/I will be waiting" - Cyndi Lauper, Time After Time
10. "I won't pretend/that I intend to stop living/I won't pretend/I'm good at forgetting/but I can't hate you/although I have tried/I still really, really love you/love is stronger than pride"
-Sade, Stronger than Pride
11. "My fears are all gone/I like the sound of your song/and I think I wanna sing it forever"
-Anita Baker, Giving You the Best That I've Got
12. "I'm the lady sippin' baileys/while I strut like a model/If the ladies wanna hate me/I just send 'em a bottle" -Beyonce, In the Club (get's me me in the mood to go out and shut 'em down..)
13. "If you don't want me/then don't talk to me" -Fantasia, Free Yourself ('nuff said...love it!!)
14. "I'm insecure/but I can't help it/my heart says move on/my heart lags behind/but, I don't love you anymore/yes I do, I think/loving you is wrong..."
-Erykah Badu, Green Eyes (this got me through ya'll...I could type this whole song as well, choosing which verse to use was hard..VERY hard)
15. "In the right place/with the right mind and the right line/boy, you could get a lifetime contract"
-Twista, Emotions
16. "If I'm a drink/you're my lemon squeeze/oh, you got flavor boy/you go good with me"
- Aaliyah, It's Whatever
17. "...cause I'm tired of all the complaining/if you ain't never gonna change it/you can't change the way I feel" -Brandy, How I Feel
18. "Wearing the cross/I mean, the heart on my neck" - Common, Faithful
19. "if you need the love/I got the love that you need/and I pray to God one day that they will see/ they'll see that I'm all that you need/Nothing is promised.." - Jagged Edge, Promise
20. "I've been holding back/what I feel/Love so real/I can't wait another minute" - Hi Five, Can't Wait Another Minute (It's not rocket science...all things don't need to be deep)
21. "Reaching out into distance/searching for spirits of the past/just a trace of your existence..to grasp/and if somehow I could recapture/all of the memories/and bring them to life/Lord knows, I would/but now you're fading faster/getting so hard to see/you've taken the light/you're fading out of my sight, swiftly" - Mariah Carey, Vanishing
22. "If God one day struck me blind/you're beauty I'd still see/Love's too weak to define/just what you mean to me" -Prince, Adore
23. "yes, I got candy kisses for you lips/Yes, I got some honey suckle chocolate dipping kisses full of love for you/My life has been waiting for your love/My arms have been waiting for you love to arrive..." -Stevie Wonder, Do I Do
24. "I will keep your secrets/just think of me as the pages of your diary" -Alicia Keys, Diary (Always, in spite..this will remain!!!)
25. "My attitude is fuck it/and muthafucka's love it!!" -Tupac, Ambitionz az a Ridah
This was so much fun...I could go on all day. But I guess I've been on the computer WAY too long already. Maybe I'll do it again..soon.er or later.
A Piece of my Mind...
I'm pretty random too...not seriously though(shout Sherrie..), but really....here's a glimpse into the randomness of how my mind works...and a bunch of other randomness that I can't really define. Whatever.
- I LOVE old school R&B...esp. 70's -90's.
- Right now I'm belting out Pure Soul "We Must Be in Love"...remember that??? Thanks Teej.
- Uhp, went off. Rewind.
- I can actually listen to a song and completely feel it as if it totally relates to me at that very moment...I should be an actress. You should see me right now.
- I record myself singing on voice memos all the time. At the time, I think they sound amazing...but once I forget about them and go back...I chuckle at how completely ridiculous I sound. HA!
- I'm actually distracted by the song right now, I need to get back to the point of the blog.
-...
- Man, I got bit by a ferocious mosquito, I have all type of marks and red spots..this never happens
-...I hope I don't have the damn West Nile.
- I don't really trust doctors so I doubt I'll head there.
- I shan't speak that into my life.
- Well, hopefully typing doesn't count.
- You liked my contraction, didn't you.
- I think I'm pretty clever.
- As far as I'm concerned, I think everyone else agrees.
- I got a random call today from an "ex"...
- he had me open a bit, it was kind of surprising...I'm usually in such control.
- That's alright...I think he's figured it out, I'm brand new.
- Ya girl's back...take it easy, son. There's a seat over there waiting for you...
- Have one.
- I hope he's not holding his breath waiting on that call back.
- Again, have a seat.
- Ha...I'm so cool.
- Doesn't matter what you think, I've completely convinced myself that I am.
- Ha!
- I love blogging, I'm just so random with it all ..it's hard to sit down and write one.
- I promise I'm gonna get together.
- I admit it. I DO want a boyfriend...I'm tired of being single.
- I think I'm ready for at least that. The aforementioned taught me alot about what I want and what I need to work on.
- I appreciate the lesson because I can guarantee if I'd have had to sign up for the course...
- I woulda missed out.
- 'ppreciate ya!!!
- Now back to your seat, dude.
Okay, this must end...I think I'd be a little thrown with this choppy list so I'm gonna try and focus in on one topic. I know that changes the whole concept of the blog, but not really...I did say it'd be random.
Sidebar: I'm listening to A.D. 2000 by E. Badu. Now I remember having a convo w/ 2 of my best friends back in college on how deep it was and how she was probably talking about how after a breakup things are misinterpreted and one party ends up looking like that bad guy, yadda, yadda. Man, that chick was actually talking about a building. Boo, Erykah.
Anyways, as I was saying..I do want to have someone just for me. Someone to release all of this loving energy upon...he'd really come up, ya know? Just because of where I am right now...they say it's all about timing, right?
I'm settling right now...isn't it crazy how you can find yourself doing things you never thought you would? Not really, we are all only who we see ourselves to be. There are no innate differences b/w me, you, whore, crackhead, at least not in terms of what we are capable of doing/accepting...we just all have different visions of who "we" are. It's okay to stray here and there, but as long as we hold fast to the ideal...I think all will be well in the end. You can't allow yourself to lose yourself... Who's to say I'm right, but who's to say I'm wrong.
So again, I feel that I've strayed away from myself a bit, but I'm trying to get it back. I'm kind of torn b/w feelings and reality. Most of my friends tell me that I'm very detached from my feelings...I'm learning that they are right, I'm working on it But I guess that's b/c I feel at the end of the day feelings are just feelings. They don't necessarily change what "is" and if they don't then what's the damn point? I understand they are necessary, usually expected, and should be considered...but besides that...what? I don't know, I'm open to exploring the idea of them and in turn becoming a better communicator. It's been a challenge for me. I work on me, daily, even if only in my mind. Somethin's better than nothin'.
So again, I'm not loving this place right now, but given there are so many other places I could be..I respect it, and I'm not gonna run from it. Yesterday's FC would have, I'm brand-new. Thing's will be what they will. My mom encouraged me to know and appreciate these words of wisdom...
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
How did I get here...I'm SO random. HA! At least I warned you...
- I LOVE old school R&B...esp. 70's -90's.
- Right now I'm belting out Pure Soul "We Must Be in Love"...remember that??? Thanks Teej.
- Uhp, went off. Rewind.
- I can actually listen to a song and completely feel it as if it totally relates to me at that very moment...I should be an actress. You should see me right now.
- I record myself singing on voice memos all the time. At the time, I think they sound amazing...but once I forget about them and go back...I chuckle at how completely ridiculous I sound. HA!
- I'm actually distracted by the song right now, I need to get back to the point of the blog.
-...
- Man, I got bit by a ferocious mosquito, I have all type of marks and red spots..this never happens
-...I hope I don't have the damn West Nile.
- I don't really trust doctors so I doubt I'll head there.
- I shan't speak that into my life.
- Well, hopefully typing doesn't count.
- You liked my contraction, didn't you.
- I think I'm pretty clever.
- As far as I'm concerned, I think everyone else agrees.
- I got a random call today from an "ex"...
- he had me open a bit, it was kind of surprising...I'm usually in such control.
- That's alright...I think he's figured it out, I'm brand new.
- Ya girl's back...take it easy, son. There's a seat over there waiting for you...
- Have one.
- I hope he's not holding his breath waiting on that call back.
- Again, have a seat.
- Ha...I'm so cool.
- Doesn't matter what you think, I've completely convinced myself that I am.
- Ha!
- I love blogging, I'm just so random with it all ..it's hard to sit down and write one.
- I promise I'm gonna get together.
- I admit it. I DO want a boyfriend...I'm tired of being single.
- I think I'm ready for at least that. The aforementioned taught me alot about what I want and what I need to work on.
- I appreciate the lesson because I can guarantee if I'd have had to sign up for the course...
- I woulda missed out.
- 'ppreciate ya!!!
- Now back to your seat, dude.
Okay, this must end...I think I'd be a little thrown with this choppy list so I'm gonna try and focus in on one topic. I know that changes the whole concept of the blog, but not really...I did say it'd be random.
Sidebar: I'm listening to A.D. 2000 by E. Badu. Now I remember having a convo w/ 2 of my best friends back in college on how deep it was and how she was probably talking about how after a breakup things are misinterpreted and one party ends up looking like that bad guy, yadda, yadda. Man, that chick was actually talking about a building. Boo, Erykah.
Anyways, as I was saying..I do want to have someone just for me. Someone to release all of this loving energy upon...he'd really come up, ya know? Just because of where I am right now...they say it's all about timing, right?
I'm settling right now...isn't it crazy how you can find yourself doing things you never thought you would? Not really, we are all only who we see ourselves to be. There are no innate differences b/w me, you, whore, crackhead, at least not in terms of what we are capable of doing/accepting...we just all have different visions of who "we" are. It's okay to stray here and there, but as long as we hold fast to the ideal...I think all will be well in the end. You can't allow yourself to lose yourself... Who's to say I'm right, but who's to say I'm wrong.
So again, I feel that I've strayed away from myself a bit, but I'm trying to get it back. I'm kind of torn b/w feelings and reality. Most of my friends tell me that I'm very detached from my feelings...I'm learning that they are right, I'm working on it But I guess that's b/c I feel at the end of the day feelings are just feelings. They don't necessarily change what "is" and if they don't then what's the damn point? I understand they are necessary, usually expected, and should be considered...but besides that...what? I don't know, I'm open to exploring the idea of them and in turn becoming a better communicator. It's been a challenge for me. I work on me, daily, even if only in my mind. Somethin's better than nothin'.
So again, I'm not loving this place right now, but given there are so many other places I could be..I respect it, and I'm not gonna run from it. Yesterday's FC would have, I'm brand-new. Thing's will be what they will. My mom encouraged me to know and appreciate these words of wisdom...
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
How did I get here...I'm SO random. HA! At least I warned you...
Monday, July 24, 2006
Toya...feelin' me, feelin' you..
Toya came with it...I'm feelin' the song, video, and concept. That's real player, Toya, real player. I'm SO on it right now! If I wasn't such a punk, I'd be motivated...check it out..
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z3bExNfC6IE
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z3bExNfC6IE
Thursday, July 13, 2006
That Damn B!!
This chick is the absolute SHIT! I'm just saying. I'm all about congratulating and if you're the shit...you get many kudos from me b/c most chicks out here are just not that fly. Sad but true.
If I could sing...this is how I'd work it too. Let me know what you think!
Beyoncé Video ExclusiveWatch the new video for Beyonc?'s "D?j? Vu" exclusively on MTV.com.
If I could sing...this is how I'd work it too. Let me know what you think!
Beyoncé Video ExclusiveWatch the new video for Beyonc?'s "D?j? Vu" exclusively on MTV.com.
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
Yo, What time is it...?
-Time to do you?
-Time to just ball out and spend money befo' I get it..?
-Time to step out the box and speak up..?
-Time to stop settling..?
-Time to stand up for our kids..?
-Time to set an example for the young sistas..?
-Time to let go of complacency..?
-Time to settle down and quit playing games..?
-Time to embrace and except the past..?
-Time to be free...?
-Time to let God have his way..?
-Time to relinquish control and trust somebody...?
-Time to just let it be..?
Time is of the essence, it's time to do something...you tell me what time it is.
-Time to just ball out and spend money befo' I get it..?
-Time to step out the box and speak up..?
-Time to stop settling..?
-Time to stand up for our kids..?
-Time to set an example for the young sistas..?
-Time to let go of complacency..?
-Time to settle down and quit playing games..?
-Time to embrace and except the past..?
-Time to be free...?
-Time to let God have his way..?
-Time to relinquish control and trust somebody...?
-Time to just let it be..?
Time is of the essence, it's time to do something...you tell me what time it is.
Saturday, June 24, 2006
Today...
.I'm feeling a little blue..
.I thought I wanted to vent, now I'm not so sure.
.I'm a really private person
.Maybe different could be good...
.That's probably just how I'm feeling Today.
.With a sea full of friends, sometimes I feel like I'm sailing solo.
.Am I bugging...?
.Is my period about to start..?
.Yep, it is.
.TMI?
.It's my damn blog, go read somewhere then!
.I often don't feel like I have a right to be down..
.I guess, in theory, everyone deserves a moment...
.I still feel the same though.
.sR is in Miami.
.I wish I was as well, I'd probably feel different right now.
.Not saying it couldn't resurface..
.But at least I'd feel differently Today.
.Many crave attention, attention's just normal to me..
.Actually, I'd prefer to be "seen"..
.No one has "seen" me in a long time.
.I'm trying not to lose hope..
.I'm sure on another day I could be more optimistic.
.not Today though.
.I'm tired of lick lipping, subtle opps to cop a feel, hearing the word "sexy", pipe dreams, false hopes, shallow intentions..
.sick+tired=me
.today
.probably tomorrow as well.
.I just noticed I took a deep breath..
.maybe I'm feeling better.
.so much to do, so little motivation.
.CAN I PLEASE GET TO THE POST OFFICE!!
.procrastination is a bitch.
.I felt inappropriate typing that, though I'd have no problem saying it.
.Society is a bitch as well.
.didn't feel inappropriate that time.
.where am I going with this?
.either everywhere or nowhere fast.
.guess I should spare the typing and mentally motivate myself into the ideal of "me".
.It's hard trying to achieve "her".
.The real me is lazy, often.
.I morph into "her" well though, hopefully one day my metamorphosis will be complete..
.and I can become "her" for good.
.Will that be enough?
.I guess we'll find out when I get there.
.I have alot to be for alot of people..
.however, I have no time to complain.
.Time is of the essence and...
.the fact that I am blessed serves as a diffuser to my complaints.
.often, thank God.
.again.Thank you.
.Today I felt like venting..
.I'd like to go on, but I'll keep the rest of my thoughts were they are most comfortable.
.
.hopefully, I'll revisit this spot again soon.
.It is mine, ya know?
.I guess we'll see, if not...no biggie.
.This[blog] has no bearing on "her", this is extra...
.so whether I accomplish this or not.
.doesn't matter.
.I smirked on that one.
.wish everything was that way.
.such is life..
.still smirking.
.I feel better.
.and I think I'll share.
...smiling.
.
.I thought I wanted to vent, now I'm not so sure.
.I'm a really private person
.Maybe different could be good...
.That's probably just how I'm feeling Today.
.With a sea full of friends, sometimes I feel like I'm sailing solo.
.Am I bugging...?
.Is my period about to start..?
.Yep, it is.
.TMI?
.It's my damn blog, go read somewhere then!
.I often don't feel like I have a right to be down..
.I guess, in theory, everyone deserves a moment...
.I still feel the same though.
.sR is in Miami.
.I wish I was as well, I'd probably feel different right now.
.Not saying it couldn't resurface..
.But at least I'd feel differently Today.
.Many crave attention, attention's just normal to me..
.Actually, I'd prefer to be "seen"..
.No one has "seen" me in a long time.
.I'm trying not to lose hope..
.I'm sure on another day I could be more optimistic.
.not Today though.
.I'm tired of lick lipping, subtle opps to cop a feel, hearing the word "sexy", pipe dreams, false hopes, shallow intentions..
.sick+tired=me
.today
.probably tomorrow as well.
.I just noticed I took a deep breath..
.maybe I'm feeling better.
.so much to do, so little motivation.
.CAN I PLEASE GET TO THE POST OFFICE!!
.procrastination is a bitch.
.I felt inappropriate typing that, though I'd have no problem saying it.
.Society is a bitch as well.
.didn't feel inappropriate that time.
.where am I going with this?
.either everywhere or nowhere fast.
.guess I should spare the typing and mentally motivate myself into the ideal of "me".
.It's hard trying to achieve "her".
.The real me is lazy, often.
.I morph into "her" well though, hopefully one day my metamorphosis will be complete..
.and I can become "her" for good.
.Will that be enough?
.I guess we'll find out when I get there.
.I have alot to be for alot of people..
.however, I have no time to complain.
.Time is of the essence and...
.the fact that I am blessed serves as a diffuser to my complaints.
.often, thank God.
.again.Thank you.
.Today I felt like venting..
.I'd like to go on, but I'll keep the rest of my thoughts were they are most comfortable.
.
.hopefully, I'll revisit this spot again soon.
.It is mine, ya know?
.I guess we'll see, if not...no biggie.
.This[blog] has no bearing on "her", this is extra...
.so whether I accomplish this or not.
.doesn't matter.
.I smirked on that one.
.wish everything was that way.
.such is life..
.still smirking.
.I feel better.
.and I think I'll share.
...smiling.
.
Wednesday, October 12, 2005
Clue me in..!
Yo...what does a chick hafta' do? I mean really, fellas...I'm looking for answers. It's really hard out here fo' a chick...and I'm as melodic and heartfelt as my girl was when she was singing for her dude. It's HARD!!!
Now, I "thought" I was attractive, smart, in shape, good career-path, goal oriented...yadda, yadda. BUT, I have the hardest time meeting men. Let me rephrase....meeting men that I'm interested in getting to know better. I mean it's like pulling teeth. People always give me the..."oh, you're single b/c you want to be" or "I'm sure you're batting them off like flies". Well, folks...I'm removing the veil right now, ain't NOTHIN' happenin' this way. Zip, zero, nada, and it's getting downright ugly. Shameful even. I'm looking for some advice, tips, cousins (not former imprisoned ones please...I'm not there yet). But for real, what could I be doing wrong? I try to venture out every now and again, I'm pretty extroverted...hmm, I'm stumped...obviously.
I'm not trying to act like I'm perfect by any means..I have my issues like everyone else. I've heard such things as: too controlling, some-what intimidating, princess-like, opinionated...but hell, isn't everyone!! That's no excuse dammit. I'sa jus need some hep ya'll...a little HEP!
Did I mention it was hard out here? Please advise...
Now, I "thought" I was attractive, smart, in shape, good career-path, goal oriented...yadda, yadda. BUT, I have the hardest time meeting men. Let me rephrase....meeting men that I'm interested in getting to know better. I mean it's like pulling teeth. People always give me the..."oh, you're single b/c you want to be" or "I'm sure you're batting them off like flies". Well, folks...I'm removing the veil right now, ain't NOTHIN' happenin' this way. Zip, zero, nada, and it's getting downright ugly. Shameful even. I'm looking for some advice, tips, cousins (not former imprisoned ones please...I'm not there yet). But for real, what could I be doing wrong? I try to venture out every now and again, I'm pretty extroverted...hmm, I'm stumped...obviously.
I'm not trying to act like I'm perfect by any means..I have my issues like everyone else. I've heard such things as: too controlling, some-what intimidating, princess-like, opinionated...but hell, isn't everyone!! That's no excuse dammit. I'sa jus need some hep ya'll...a little HEP!
Did I mention it was hard out here? Please advise...
Saturday, October 08, 2005
How Time Flies...
Wow, I feel like it's been yags since we spoke. I've kind of missed you. Life has pulled me in so many directions lately, it's just been a matter of getting my bearings and figuring out which way I want to go. I guess you could say I'm still figuring. Nonetheless, it's great to be back...I'll be in touch very soon. Thanks for understanding...I forgot how pretty you are. No need to blush...you know you da BOMB, heck, I created you! Be good...
Oh by the way, I made it through another year...can you believe it!! 26...yikes, I'll be 62 before you know it. Yowzer...yep, I said yowzer...it's really just that deep.
Oh by the way, I made it through another year...can you believe it!! 26...yikes, I'll be 62 before you know it. Yowzer...yep, I said yowzer...it's really just that deep.
Tuesday, November 09, 2004
2.0.0.4.
What happened to our music? I mean really, where did it go? Of course, you'll catch an occasional jam...but when's the last time it really moved you? I'm sitting here downloading music and beyond the get-me-up-and-to-the-club booty songs...not too much of my 15 hrs of music is current. At least not the R&B. The fact that I found the damn acapella version of What About Us!!!!! I can barely type...oh My GOD. Ridiculous...it's been at least 10 years since I've heard it. I need a moment..I'll holla.
Tuesday, November 02, 2004
Hot 99...
I know I've been a little MIA lately, but you know, life can sometimes take you under. I've been meaning to do this for awhile so here goes...
INSTRUCTIONS:
1. Copy this whole list into your journal.
2. Bold the things that are true about you.
3. Whatever you don't bold is false.
01. When I was younger, I made some bad decisions
02. I don't watch much TV these days
03. I love olives
04. I love sleeping(I need more than the average person)
05. I own lots of books
06. I wear glasses or contact lenses (sometimes...)
07. I love to play video games
08. I've tried marijuana (once...didn't like it)
09. I've watched porn movies (once)
10. I have been in a threesome
11. I have been the psycho-ex in a past relationship
12. I believe honesty is usually the best policy (key word: *usually*)
13. I have acne free skin
14. I like and respect Al Sharpton(he'll never get my vote on Dec. 2nd however..)
15. I curse frequently (unfortunately...)
16. I have changed a lot mentally over the last year
17. I have hobbies
18. I've been told I: (women) have an applebottom, (men) am packing.
19. I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me (used to)
20. I'm really, really smart (at least everyone else thinks so..)
21. I've never broken someone's bones
22. I have a secret that I am ashamed to reveal
23. I hate the rain
24. I'm paranoid at times
25. I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free (w/o a doubt)
26. I need money right now(You're contributions are always welcomed)
27. I love Sushi
28. I talk really, really fast
29. I have fresh breath in the morning
30. I have semi-long hair
31. I have lost money in Las Vegas
32. I have at least one brother and/or one sister
33. I was born in a country outside of the U.S.
34. I shave my legs (females) or face (males) on a regular basis (at least in the summer..)
35. I have a twin
36. I have worn fake hair/fingernails/eyes in the past (except for eyes)
37. I couldn't survive without Caller I.D.
38. I like the way that I look
39. I have lied to a good friend in the last 6 months
40. I know how to cornrow
41. I am usually pessimistic
42. I have a lot of mood swings
43. I think prostitution should be legalized
44. I think Britney Spears is hot
45. I have cheated on a Sig. O. in the past(it depends on how you define "cheat"..so I'll say no)
46. I have a hidden talent
47. I'm always hyper no matter how much sugar I have
48. I think that I'm popular
49. I am currently single (and it's getting old now)
50. I have kissed someone of the same sex
51. I enjoy talking on the phone (Sprint loves me!)
52. I practically live in sweatpants
53. I love to shop
54. I would rather shop than eat
55. I would classify myself as ghetto (bourghetto at it's best!)
56. I'm bourgie and have worn a sweater tied around my shoulders(ditto)
57. I'm obsessed with my Blogger
58. I don't hate anyone. I dislike them.
59. I'm a pretty good dancer
60. I don't think Mike Tyson raped Desiree Washington
61. I'm completely embarrassed to be seen with my mother (I love mi mama!)
62. I have a cell phone
63. I believe in God
64. I watch MTV on a daily basis
65. I have passed out drunk in the past 6 months(pass out? please I'ma soldyah!)
66. I love drama
67. I have never been in a real relationship before
68. I've rejected someone before
69. I currently have a crush on someone
70. I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life
71. I want to have children in the future
72. I have changed a diaper before
73. I've called the cops on a friend before
74. I bite my nails
75. I am a member of the Tom Green fan club
76. I'm not allergic to anything (not yet at least)
77. I have a lot to learn (don't we all?)
78. I have dated someone at least 10 years older or younger
79. I plan on seeing Ice Cube's newest "Friday" movie
80. I am very shy around the opposite sex
81. I'm online 24/7, even as an away message
82. I have at least 5 away messages saved
83. I have tried alcohol or drugs at a party (Say no to drugs!!)
84. I have made a move on a friend's Sig. O. in the past
85. I own the "South Park" movie
86. I have avoided assignments at work to be online
87. When I was a kid I played "the birds and the bees" with a neighbor or chum (nope, I was always a chicken when I was a kid)
88. I enjoy country music (very sparingly)
89. I would die for my best friends
90. I think that Pizza Hut has the best pizza (hell no!)
91. I watch soap operas whenever I can
92. I'm obsessive, anal retentive, and often a perfectionist
93. I have used my sexuality to advance my career
94. I love Michael Jackson, scandals and all(show some damn respect people!!)
95. I know all the words to Slick Rick's "Children's Story"
96. Halloween is awesome because you get free candy
97. I watch Spongebob Squarepants and I like it
98. I have dated a close friend's ex
99. I'm happy as of this moment (You have to at least try...)
You try...
INSTRUCTIONS:
1. Copy this whole list into your journal.
2. Bold the things that are true about you.
3. Whatever you don't bold is false.
01. When I was younger, I made some bad decisions
02. I don't watch much TV these days
03. I love olives
04. I love sleeping(I need more than the average person)
05. I own lots of books
06. I wear glasses or contact lenses (sometimes...)
07. I love to play video games
08. I've tried marijuana (once...didn't like it)
09. I've watched porn movies (once)
10. I have been in a threesome
11. I have been the psycho-ex in a past relationship
12. I believe honesty is usually the best policy (key word: *usually*)
13. I have acne free skin
14. I like and respect Al Sharpton(he'll never get my vote on Dec. 2nd however..)
15. I curse frequently (unfortunately...)
16. I have changed a lot mentally over the last year
17. I have hobbies
18. I've been told I: (women) have an applebottom, (men) am packing.
19. I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me (used to)
20. I'm really, really smart (at least everyone else thinks so..)
21. I've never broken someone's bones
22. I have a secret that I am ashamed to reveal
23. I hate the rain
24. I'm paranoid at times
25. I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free (w/o a doubt)
26. I need money right now(You're contributions are always welcomed)
27. I love Sushi
28. I talk really, really fast
29. I have fresh breath in the morning
30. I have semi-long hair
31. I have lost money in Las Vegas
32. I have at least one brother and/or one sister
33. I was born in a country outside of the U.S.
34. I shave my legs (females) or face (males) on a regular basis (at least in the summer..)
35. I have a twin
36. I have worn fake hair/fingernails/eyes in the past (except for eyes)
37. I couldn't survive without Caller I.D.
38. I like the way that I look
39. I have lied to a good friend in the last 6 months
40. I know how to cornrow
41. I am usually pessimistic
42. I have a lot of mood swings
43. I think prostitution should be legalized
44. I think Britney Spears is hot
45. I have cheated on a Sig. O. in the past(it depends on how you define "cheat"..so I'll say no)
46. I have a hidden talent
47. I'm always hyper no matter how much sugar I have
48. I think that I'm popular
49. I am currently single (and it's getting old now)
50. I have kissed someone of the same sex
51. I enjoy talking on the phone (Sprint loves me!)
52. I practically live in sweatpants
53. I love to shop
54. I would rather shop than eat
55. I would classify myself as ghetto (bourghetto at it's best!)
56. I'm bourgie and have worn a sweater tied around my shoulders(ditto)
57. I'm obsessed with my Blogger
58. I don't hate anyone. I dislike them.
59. I'm a pretty good dancer
60. I don't think Mike Tyson raped Desiree Washington
61. I'm completely embarrassed to be seen with my mother (I love mi mama!)
62. I have a cell phone
63. I believe in God
64. I watch MTV on a daily basis
65. I have passed out drunk in the past 6 months(pass out? please I'ma soldyah!)
66. I love drama
67. I have never been in a real relationship before
68. I've rejected someone before
69. I currently have a crush on someone
70. I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life
71. I want to have children in the future
72. I have changed a diaper before
73. I've called the cops on a friend before
74. I bite my nails
75. I am a member of the Tom Green fan club
76. I'm not allergic to anything (not yet at least)
77. I have a lot to learn (don't we all?)
78. I have dated someone at least 10 years older or younger
79. I plan on seeing Ice Cube's newest "Friday" movie
80. I am very shy around the opposite sex
81. I'm online 24/7, even as an away message
82. I have at least 5 away messages saved
83. I have tried alcohol or drugs at a party (Say no to drugs!!)
84. I have made a move on a friend's Sig. O. in the past
85. I own the "South Park" movie
86. I have avoided assignments at work to be online
87. When I was a kid I played "the birds and the bees" with a neighbor or chum (nope, I was always a chicken when I was a kid)
88. I enjoy country music (very sparingly)
89. I would die for my best friends
90. I think that Pizza Hut has the best pizza (hell no!)
91. I watch soap operas whenever I can
92. I'm obsessive, anal retentive, and often a perfectionist
93. I have used my sexuality to advance my career
94. I love Michael Jackson, scandals and all(show some damn respect people!!)
95. I know all the words to Slick Rick's "Children's Story"
96. Halloween is awesome because you get free candy
97. I watch Spongebob Squarepants and I like it
98. I have dated a close friend's ex
99. I'm happy as of this moment (You have to at least try...)
You try...
Tuesday, October 26, 2004
Love is all we need...
I know it's been awhile, and I'm probably too new to have taken such a hiatus. Sorry, what do you want me to do? Anyways, I do understand why it's always me...ALWAYS ME. Can I just lead and live a simple life, you know...a job that somewhat inspires me to get up and go to it, a nice-looking guy that loves my dirty draws, steak and lobster at least once a week. You know, simple dammit!! Guess not, or should I say, not yet.
As usual, I present to you: Drama. OK, where I live parking is horendous. Now, anyone familiar w/ Chicago knows that parking can be an issue...the Oak Park area is like 5 times worse. You can't park on ANY street w/o some type of voucher or permit, and only during the hours you pay for, yadda, yadda. Long story short, I racked up a good amount of tickets. What can I say, rules become confusing...I'm just tryin' to live.
So, back in July I paid an obscene amount in tickets. That was after I concocted a sympathy plea and cried a few times to knock off a few of the fines. I really should be an actress...I mean, there were times when people would go and get me tissue b/c I couldn't even talk. I know, it's a shame, but you do what you have to. So, cool, I paid my tickets end of July...home free until 4th quarter beg. Oct 1st.
I go to get my new permit and lo and behold, I have issues again. Something about me owing fines on some of the tickets I'd paid, etc. Anways, those totaled to over $500...now was I liable for maybe 2 or 3...yeah, but that's besides the point. I'M NOT PAYING SHIT!!!! Damn you Oak Park, I got shit like lights and food to worry about..kiss my ass.
So during all of this guy we'll call IFFY has helped me out b/c he's over the dept. After things we're squared away he'd called once or twice to make sure I hadn't received more tickets and my other "issues" we're going well. So, of course, I seek him again today. He's basically like, "don't worry about it, I'll take care of it". Cool. He asks if I'd go w/ him to see Ray this weekend. Yes, I said I was busy the next 2 weekends(I'm so not interested) so he says "well what about during the week next week." I say "fine". I guess it's the least I can do, he's been a big help.
He comes back, he'd cleared all my tickets and I owe nothing. WHHIII-HEEEWW!!! Go head, it's my birthday!! Then he says he has something for me he'll be back. He hands me an envelope that reads..."I wrote this for you 10/04/04. I hope you like it.
I've Fallen for you...
There is softness in her voice that makes me want to rejoice. The kindness in her heart beats a loud and has that type of rhythm that calms me down. I've fallen for you.
She has no idea the effect she has on me and it's no wonder why I say her and me have to be there is no place else I would rather be than all snuggled up with her next to me. I've fallen for you.
The tenderness of her touch is locked into my memory and never could those thoughts ever get dim to me I hope every day you continue to be good to me and I pray every night I continue to be good to she. I've fallen for you.
My eyes have been blessed to see her beauty and even if should ever I fall blind her beauty I will still see I really wish you could understand what this means to me. I've fallen for you.
I wish we could synchronize our hearts to beat as one for I always want to feel what you feel when it's all said and done. Life without you now would definitely be no fun. I've fallen for you.
You are everything to everyone and I can prove it you are a mom, you work, and even take care of your mom I think that should do it. I wish I could be like your body's life fluid. I've fallen for you.
Seriously though getting back to the poem's message I only want to love you once that is my mission and in the end if we are together forever then I learned all of my lessons. I've fallen for you.
You are very special to me and I hope I can only be as special to you. For the air I breathe is you, you sustain me, contain me, and maintain me. I don't drink or smoke yet I get high off of your perfume, your scent intoxicates me and keeps me drunk with desire for you I inhale you for you are pure and your every intent is genuine and sincere. I've fallen for you.
I hold you dear to my heart and hope one day soon you will be a part of everything great I do right from the start. I've fallen for you.
-IFFY
First off: Yuck! Then, UGH! Followed by, YIKES! Who set me up? You've got to be kidding me? I thought he was gonna come back up w/ a free parking permit not this madness. Somebody, anybody...what the hell is going on?!
Let me address your thoughts: No, I didn't leave out any of the story. Yes, I've only been around him 2/3 times briefly. No, I don't have kids or take care of my mom(how random?). Yes, this was my first day back in since July so I don't know why he was thinking of me 10/04/04. Yes, I am just as baffled as you are.
Synopsis:
Ok, I'm trying to convince myself that maybe he wrote that for someone else at some point. Maybe since I said I'd go to the movie he thought he should "impress" me and make me think he really liked me. So, lightbulb goes off and he thinks about the title of his poem to his ex "I've fallen for you..". BUT, he wasn't thinking about the content b/c if he HAD he wouldn't have given that ridiculous, stalker-psyhopathic letter.
s.R swears that he's concocted this idea of he and I having a relationship in his head and he really believes it. She says "you can't think like a crazy person." Let's not forget that she feels she's an expert b/c she watches Lifetime.
Anyways, it's definitely kinda out there. I'm just trying to hope that I don't have a nut on my hands and that somewhere down deep he thought it was cool to give me someone else's poem...
please let me be right.
I told my mom, and she say's "damn, I just prayed last night for someone to come and love you and be everything you wanted them to be." Ain't that some shit? We both agreed she needs to be more specific next time.
As usual, I present to you: Drama. OK, where I live parking is horendous. Now, anyone familiar w/ Chicago knows that parking can be an issue...the Oak Park area is like 5 times worse. You can't park on ANY street w/o some type of voucher or permit, and only during the hours you pay for, yadda, yadda. Long story short, I racked up a good amount of tickets. What can I say, rules become confusing...I'm just tryin' to live.
So, back in July I paid an obscene amount in tickets. That was after I concocted a sympathy plea and cried a few times to knock off a few of the fines. I really should be an actress...I mean, there were times when people would go and get me tissue b/c I couldn't even talk. I know, it's a shame, but you do what you have to. So, cool, I paid my tickets end of July...home free until 4th quarter beg. Oct 1st.
I go to get my new permit and lo and behold, I have issues again. Something about me owing fines on some of the tickets I'd paid, etc. Anways, those totaled to over $500...now was I liable for maybe 2 or 3...yeah, but that's besides the point. I'M NOT PAYING SHIT!!!! Damn you Oak Park, I got shit like lights and food to worry about..kiss my ass.
So during all of this guy we'll call IFFY has helped me out b/c he's over the dept. After things we're squared away he'd called once or twice to make sure I hadn't received more tickets and my other "issues" we're going well. So, of course, I seek him again today. He's basically like, "don't worry about it, I'll take care of it". Cool. He asks if I'd go w/ him to see Ray this weekend. Yes, I said I was busy the next 2 weekends(I'm so not interested) so he says "well what about during the week next week." I say "fine". I guess it's the least I can do, he's been a big help.
He comes back, he'd cleared all my tickets and I owe nothing. WHHIII-HEEEWW!!! Go head, it's my birthday!! Then he says he has something for me he'll be back. He hands me an envelope that reads..."I wrote this for you 10/04/04. I hope you like it.
I've Fallen for you...
There is softness in her voice that makes me want to rejoice. The kindness in her heart beats a loud and has that type of rhythm that calms me down. I've fallen for you.
She has no idea the effect she has on me and it's no wonder why I say her and me have to be there is no place else I would rather be than all snuggled up with her next to me. I've fallen for you.
The tenderness of her touch is locked into my memory and never could those thoughts ever get dim to me I hope every day you continue to be good to me and I pray every night I continue to be good to she. I've fallen for you.
My eyes have been blessed to see her beauty and even if should ever I fall blind her beauty I will still see I really wish you could understand what this means to me. I've fallen for you.
I wish we could synchronize our hearts to beat as one for I always want to feel what you feel when it's all said and done. Life without you now would definitely be no fun. I've fallen for you.
You are everything to everyone and I can prove it you are a mom, you work, and even take care of your mom I think that should do it. I wish I could be like your body's life fluid. I've fallen for you.
Seriously though getting back to the poem's message I only want to love you once that is my mission and in the end if we are together forever then I learned all of my lessons. I've fallen for you.
You are very special to me and I hope I can only be as special to you. For the air I breathe is you, you sustain me, contain me, and maintain me. I don't drink or smoke yet I get high off of your perfume, your scent intoxicates me and keeps me drunk with desire for you I inhale you for you are pure and your every intent is genuine and sincere. I've fallen for you.
I hold you dear to my heart and hope one day soon you will be a part of everything great I do right from the start. I've fallen for you.
-IFFY
First off: Yuck! Then, UGH! Followed by, YIKES! Who set me up? You've got to be kidding me? I thought he was gonna come back up w/ a free parking permit not this madness. Somebody, anybody...what the hell is going on?!
Let me address your thoughts: No, I didn't leave out any of the story. Yes, I've only been around him 2/3 times briefly. No, I don't have kids or take care of my mom(how random?). Yes, this was my first day back in since July so I don't know why he was thinking of me 10/04/04. Yes, I am just as baffled as you are.
Synopsis:
Ok, I'm trying to convince myself that maybe he wrote that for someone else at some point. Maybe since I said I'd go to the movie he thought he should "impress" me and make me think he really liked me. So, lightbulb goes off and he thinks about the title of his poem to his ex "I've fallen for you..". BUT, he wasn't thinking about the content b/c if he HAD he wouldn't have given that ridiculous, stalker-psyhopathic letter.
s.R swears that he's concocted this idea of he and I having a relationship in his head and he really believes it. She says "you can't think like a crazy person." Let's not forget that she feels she's an expert b/c she watches Lifetime.
Anyways, it's definitely kinda out there. I'm just trying to hope that I don't have a nut on my hands and that somewhere down deep he thought it was cool to give me someone else's poem...
please let me be right.
I told my mom, and she say's "damn, I just prayed last night for someone to come and love you and be everything you wanted them to be." Ain't that some shit? We both agreed she needs to be more specific next time.
Monday, October 18, 2004
Baker's Dozen
(stole this from s.R, who stole it from someone else.)
The rules: You have to come up with twelve thoughts and one picture (totaling 13) to describe your weekend. Try using quotes, events, links to blog entries and websites, etc.
01. "If you need to hear me say it again, I guess I will...we're moving on."
02. Just think of me as the pages in your Diary.
03. This batch is better than last time..
04. Missippippi Sistas.
05. You make me wanna throw my pager out the window, tell MCI to cut the phone poles..
06. I'm SOO amped right now.
07. Whatever potion you have...I need to get some.
08. I bet he's rich...
09. Well, you DID offer.
10. Self-reflection and solitude.
11. "I shouldn't have said that, I feel bad."
12. "I take that back, I don't feel bad at all."
13. (the image to describe my weekend...)
The rules: You have to come up with twelve thoughts and one picture (totaling 13) to describe your weekend. Try using quotes, events, links to blog entries and websites, etc.
01. "If you need to hear me say it again, I guess I will...we're moving on."
02. Just think of me as the pages in your Diary.
03. This batch is better than last time..
04. Missippippi Sistas.
05. You make me wanna throw my pager out the window, tell MCI to cut the phone poles..
06. I'm SOO amped right now.
07. Whatever potion you have...I need to get some.
08. I bet he's rich...
09. Well, you DID offer.
10. Self-reflection and solitude.
11. "I shouldn't have said that, I feel bad."
12. "I take that back, I don't feel bad at all."
13. (the image to describe my weekend...)
Friday, October 15, 2004
Me and the Mole..(ester)
You're ruling the way that I move,
and I breathe your air.
You, only, can rescue me
This is my prayer.
-Cherish the Day, Sade
Wow, I love her. That really has nothing to do with the post. Those lyrics just popped in my head and since I think they're great, I feel like everyone else should. Anyways...
So we all remember MJ, right? Stilts may be easier to remember so we'll just go w/ that. Okay so Stilts and I make plans to go to dinner last night. Cool, any sensible man knows the fastest way to a woman's heart is through the stomach. Well, maybe not to the heart but it'll get you at least into the intestinal region. So he calls a few times early just to make sure we were on but I was unavailable( I do this thing called "work" at least sometimes). So, I call him back around 5pm. He wants to know my ETA so he can go ahead and get ready to head my way. First off, pipe down a bit..go have a pb&J, feed your dog, do whatever you do when you wind down. So I'm like, "well, I was thinking it'd be best if you'd not head my way until after 7pm...you know, so traffic will be lighter." I guess that was part of the reason, moreso, that I needed to do something to my hair. Whether I'm trying to make a love connect or not, I need to maintain. You never know who you may run into.
So we spoke again around 7pm he didn't make it to me until 8:45pm, which is cool b/c the Apprentice always keeps my interested. Leave, drive, park, yadda, yadda. We went to Houston's which is a really nice restaurant and I hadn't been to the one in Chicago so that was enjoyable. Foods good we're making small talk, then the age-issue resurfaces.
Background: Now, when I met him (that Thursday night in a club) he asked my age, I said "24 turning 25 in about a week or two". When I asked him he says, "guess." I think I may have guessed like 32, b/c obviously if you're saying guess then that means I should be surprised by your answer. He looks fairly young so I gave him 32 for padding. At that point, he decided not to tell me..so I didn't press it, I didn't really care. So, we exchange numbers as did he and one of my girls. I just looked at it like, he's cool..he rolls w/ the promoter...and our drinks were free..why not. That was a little background. Did I mention I was scatterbrained?
Anyways, so when I went over last weekend it came up for the 2nd time and he does the guess thing. Come on now, spare me. Then settles on the fact that he's 28. That's cool, I'm still not really interested like that, but it's good to know I'm not hanging out w/ a Mole(ester).
During our entrees, he asks "Did you ever guess how old I was?" I'm like you told me...28. Then he says something about forgetting what he'd said. Then asks me to tell him what I guessed again. Dammit...now, I know that when a) I don't really know you and b) am not really interested romantically, I can come off as quiet, shy, and/or nonchalant. It's nothing I do on purpose but guys in his category tend to tell me this despite the fact that I'm none of the above. Maybe nonchalant at times, but that's neither here nor there. Bottomline to all of that was: don't try me and your getting on my nerves. So I'm just like, "No, I'm not doing that, just tell me." Him: "I don't want to scare you off." Me: Looking at him w/ the I-don't-give-a-shit-so-just-get-to-the-point face. Do you know what he comes out his face with?
40. Yes, nigga, 40. I couldn't do anything but chuckle. Partially b/c I couldn't believe he initiated a lie like that, b/c I never really inquired into his life too much. Otherwise, b/c I've been looking for an out and you just gave me one.
So I just pretty much smiled and nodded the rest of the time. He asked if I'd dated older men and I told him yes but not quite as old as him. He asked if I had a problem w/ dating older guys and I say that I don't have a problem persay, it's just that we're often on different pages. So I didn't give a definitive answer, and given that I'm grown, I won't.
Don't really feel like rehashing anymore of the dinner convo b/c I don't really care so why would I think anyone else would. What I do know is that was some bullshit. Is it just me or was that foul? To me, his lying clearly indicates that he feels that there's "something wrong" with the fact that he's 40. He's not justified in saying that he did that b/c he didn't want to scare me off b/c I never gave him a reason to think that I'd have a problem with it. Would you lie to someone about your age? Let me state a quick disclaimer: I'm not going to say that in a situation where I was really feeling someone that this would totally kill the deal. I'd probably harp on it for a minute, but if I liked him then I'd get over it. However, this shuts ole' boy down b/c he didn't have his foot in the door from jump, he really wasn't too far past the front gate. I'd already peeped out the window and decided I wasn't going to answer anyway. I don't want nonna' what you sellin'!!!
So let's revisit:
a) Was that foul?
b) Do you lie about your age?
c) What's your old ass doing promoting parties and jukin' in the club any damn way?
Thoughts??
and I breathe your air.
You, only, can rescue me
This is my prayer.
-Cherish the Day, Sade
Wow, I love her. That really has nothing to do with the post. Those lyrics just popped in my head and since I think they're great, I feel like everyone else should. Anyways...
So we all remember MJ, right? Stilts may be easier to remember so we'll just go w/ that. Okay so Stilts and I make plans to go to dinner last night. Cool, any sensible man knows the fastest way to a woman's heart is through the stomach. Well, maybe not to the heart but it'll get you at least into the intestinal region. So he calls a few times early just to make sure we were on but I was unavailable( I do this thing called "work" at least sometimes). So, I call him back around 5pm. He wants to know my ETA so he can go ahead and get ready to head my way. First off, pipe down a bit..go have a pb&J, feed your dog, do whatever you do when you wind down. So I'm like, "well, I was thinking it'd be best if you'd not head my way until after 7pm...you know, so traffic will be lighter." I guess that was part of the reason, moreso, that I needed to do something to my hair. Whether I'm trying to make a love connect or not, I need to maintain. You never know who you may run into.
So we spoke again around 7pm he didn't make it to me until 8:45pm, which is cool b/c the Apprentice always keeps my interested. Leave, drive, park, yadda, yadda. We went to Houston's which is a really nice restaurant and I hadn't been to the one in Chicago so that was enjoyable. Foods good we're making small talk, then the age-issue resurfaces.
Background: Now, when I met him (that Thursday night in a club) he asked my age, I said "24 turning 25 in about a week or two". When I asked him he says, "guess." I think I may have guessed like 32, b/c obviously if you're saying guess then that means I should be surprised by your answer. He looks fairly young so I gave him 32 for padding. At that point, he decided not to tell me..so I didn't press it, I didn't really care. So, we exchange numbers as did he and one of my girls. I just looked at it like, he's cool..he rolls w/ the promoter...and our drinks were free..why not. That was a little background. Did I mention I was scatterbrained?
Anyways, so when I went over last weekend it came up for the 2nd time and he does the guess thing. Come on now, spare me. Then settles on the fact that he's 28. That's cool, I'm still not really interested like that, but it's good to know I'm not hanging out w/ a Mole(ester).
During our entrees, he asks "Did you ever guess how old I was?" I'm like you told me...28. Then he says something about forgetting what he'd said. Then asks me to tell him what I guessed again. Dammit...now, I know that when a) I don't really know you and b) am not really interested romantically, I can come off as quiet, shy, and/or nonchalant. It's nothing I do on purpose but guys in his category tend to tell me this despite the fact that I'm none of the above. Maybe nonchalant at times, but that's neither here nor there. Bottomline to all of that was: don't try me and your getting on my nerves. So I'm just like, "No, I'm not doing that, just tell me." Him: "I don't want to scare you off." Me: Looking at him w/ the I-don't-give-a-shit-so-just-get-to-the-point face. Do you know what he comes out his face with?
40. Yes, nigga, 40. I couldn't do anything but chuckle. Partially b/c I couldn't believe he initiated a lie like that, b/c I never really inquired into his life too much. Otherwise, b/c I've been looking for an out and you just gave me one.
So I just pretty much smiled and nodded the rest of the time. He asked if I'd dated older men and I told him yes but not quite as old as him. He asked if I had a problem w/ dating older guys and I say that I don't have a problem persay, it's just that we're often on different pages. So I didn't give a definitive answer, and given that I'm grown, I won't.
Don't really feel like rehashing anymore of the dinner convo b/c I don't really care so why would I think anyone else would. What I do know is that was some bullshit. Is it just me or was that foul? To me, his lying clearly indicates that he feels that there's "something wrong" with the fact that he's 40. He's not justified in saying that he did that b/c he didn't want to scare me off b/c I never gave him a reason to think that I'd have a problem with it. Would you lie to someone about your age? Let me state a quick disclaimer: I'm not going to say that in a situation where I was really feeling someone that this would totally kill the deal. I'd probably harp on it for a minute, but if I liked him then I'd get over it. However, this shuts ole' boy down b/c he didn't have his foot in the door from jump, he really wasn't too far past the front gate. I'd already peeped out the window and decided I wasn't going to answer anyway. I don't want nonna' what you sellin'!!!
So let's revisit:
a) Was that foul?
b) Do you lie about your age?
c) What's your old ass doing promoting parties and jukin' in the club any damn way?
Thoughts??
Tuesday, October 12, 2004
The Jones'...
It is the color of light,
The shape of sound high in the evergreens.
It lies suspended in hills,
A blue line in a red sky.
I am looking at sound.
I am hearing the brightness
Of high bluffs and almond trees
I am tasting the wilderness
of lakes, rivers, and streams
Caught in an angle of song.
I am remembering water
That glows in the dawn
The motion tumbled in earth
Life hidden in mounds.
I am dancing a bright beam of light..
I am remembering love.
-Nia Long as Nina Moseley. Love Jones
I tell ya, this takes me there everytime. When I was in my sophomore year of college our boot-legged ass apartment didn't have cable jacks in the bedrooms. So, of course, we popped the same 5 VHS tapes in just to have something playing in the background. I could watch Love Jones EVERYNIGHT w/o pause. It's the greatest. Two people w/ an undeniable connection that fall into the normal routine. You know, kick it/roll with it..let down your guard just enough to enjoy yourself, but keep it up just enough to ward off any "hurt". Catch feelings, on your own accord though..never letting the other know. Not, of course, until it's too late. Add your mix of random bullshit/f'ups in. Then you either end up like them saying, "I don't care what it takes...it's about you and me" or "damn, I wonder..." Classic shit!!! The Jones - likely to result in confusion, disarray, and possible heartache. But so damn satiating that you'll try it again, and again, and a-damn-gin. Where's my Jones?!?! (sigh)
Now that I've brushed that off, I can get over it and get my swagger back. I'm getting pretty comfortable in this space. I damn near feel at home. S[dot] threw me a little blogger welcome party so I'm meeting new people. Thanks s.R!....still getting used to this alias thing.
I have this new guy I'm dating...we'll call him M.J. Not b/c he's "that dude" like Jordan...more like Micheal Jackson. I know what you're thinking...wacko jacko. Molester maybe? Woman-ish? No...just skinny ass hell. Background: met him one night a few of my girls and I stepped out after a sorority function downtown(Chicago). We went by this free spot, Pharris was DJ'n so the music was hot but it was dead. No sense in missing out on sleep so we were headed out. Bump into MJ and his boy, the guy who promotes the party. So they invited(damn near forced) us back in for a few drinks. They were actually really cool and they kept 'em coming, so we'll entertain. Why not? Anyway M.J.'s pretty tall probably 6'3" or so and very personable. Cool. No Letting Go comes on...my damn JAM! I know it's old b/ I fuckin' love it. Anyways, so I just naturally saunter off into this groove and he follows suit. I look over and see this 2 stilts underneath his jeans a bobbin' and a swayin'. Now, I'm trying to keep my face together as it naturally cocks to the side in disbelief. "Is this nigga really THAT damn skinny.." I mean, I'm waiting on some dancers and drummers to pop out b/c I felt like I'd been transposed into a Shaka Zulu movie. I know I may sound ridiculous, but if you'd refer to 41 from my 100 list you'll see that I don't do skinny dudes. Anyways's that was a tangent.
Basically, long story short. We hung out Sunday. It was a cool, neutral time b/c he invited friends over. Taboo, drinking, conversation. He called me yesterday one to give the option for dinner(of which, I didn't take up) and two to tell my goodnight(on my vmail). Now it may look as if I'm dissing ole' boy. It's really not like that. He's cool. However, I'm trying to dance a bright beam of light...I'm not really pressed for coolness. As Reddy proclaimed, my tolerance for BS is getting lower by the second. Quite frankly, I'd rather floss my teeth than entertain someone b/c I'm bored. Maybe I'm pigeon-holding myself into unhappiness? Maybe I'm not really letting anyone in. I don't know, you tell me. I'm just trying to live. Anyways, MJ doesn't really fits into this category. Like I said, he's cool..I don't mind hanging out w/ him. Though I wish someone would drop him a line letting him know that he may as well kill the lets-hang-eryday-thing. I'm gonna shoot that down erytime.
I'm looking to feel butterflies plain and simple. Intrigue me dammit! You know the kind where when you first meet that person your like "Damn, I need to know him/her". Maybe I'm just a dreamer, but I don't think I'm asking for too much. Am I?
The shape of sound high in the evergreens.
It lies suspended in hills,
A blue line in a red sky.
I am looking at sound.
I am hearing the brightness
Of high bluffs and almond trees
I am tasting the wilderness
of lakes, rivers, and streams
Caught in an angle of song.
I am remembering water
That glows in the dawn
The motion tumbled in earth
Life hidden in mounds.
I am dancing a bright beam of light..
I am remembering love.
-Nia Long as Nina Moseley. Love Jones
I tell ya, this takes me there everytime. When I was in my sophomore year of college our boot-legged ass apartment didn't have cable jacks in the bedrooms. So, of course, we popped the same 5 VHS tapes in just to have something playing in the background. I could watch Love Jones EVERYNIGHT w/o pause. It's the greatest. Two people w/ an undeniable connection that fall into the normal routine. You know, kick it/roll with it..let down your guard just enough to enjoy yourself, but keep it up just enough to ward off any "hurt". Catch feelings, on your own accord though..never letting the other know. Not, of course, until it's too late. Add your mix of random bullshit/f'ups in. Then you either end up like them saying, "I don't care what it takes...it's about you and me" or "damn, I wonder..." Classic shit!!! The Jones - likely to result in confusion, disarray, and possible heartache. But so damn satiating that you'll try it again, and again, and a-damn-gin. Where's my Jones?!?! (sigh)
Now that I've brushed that off, I can get over it and get my swagger back. I'm getting pretty comfortable in this space. I damn near feel at home. S[dot] threw me a little blogger welcome party so I'm meeting new people. Thanks s.R!....still getting used to this alias thing.
I have this new guy I'm dating...we'll call him M.J. Not b/c he's "that dude" like Jordan...more like Micheal Jackson. I know what you're thinking...wacko jacko. Molester maybe? Woman-ish? No...just skinny ass hell. Background: met him one night a few of my girls and I stepped out after a sorority function downtown(Chicago). We went by this free spot, Pharris was DJ'n so the music was hot but it was dead. No sense in missing out on sleep so we were headed out. Bump into MJ and his boy, the guy who promotes the party. So they invited(damn near forced) us back in for a few drinks. They were actually really cool and they kept 'em coming, so we'll entertain. Why not? Anyway M.J.'s pretty tall probably 6'3" or so and very personable. Cool. No Letting Go comes on...my damn JAM! I know it's old b/ I fuckin' love it. Anyways, so I just naturally saunter off into this groove and he follows suit. I look over and see this 2 stilts underneath his jeans a bobbin' and a swayin'. Now, I'm trying to keep my face together as it naturally cocks to the side in disbelief. "Is this nigga really THAT damn skinny.." I mean, I'm waiting on some dancers and drummers to pop out b/c I felt like I'd been transposed into a Shaka Zulu movie. I know I may sound ridiculous, but if you'd refer to 41 from my 100 list you'll see that I don't do skinny dudes. Anyways's that was a tangent.
Basically, long story short. We hung out Sunday. It was a cool, neutral time b/c he invited friends over. Taboo, drinking, conversation. He called me yesterday one to give the option for dinner(of which, I didn't take up) and two to tell my goodnight(on my vmail). Now it may look as if I'm dissing ole' boy. It's really not like that. He's cool. However, I'm trying to dance a bright beam of light...I'm not really pressed for coolness. As Reddy proclaimed, my tolerance for BS is getting lower by the second. Quite frankly, I'd rather floss my teeth than entertain someone b/c I'm bored. Maybe I'm pigeon-holding myself into unhappiness? Maybe I'm not really letting anyone in. I don't know, you tell me. I'm just trying to live. Anyways, MJ doesn't really fits into this category. Like I said, he's cool..I don't mind hanging out w/ him. Though I wish someone would drop him a line letting him know that he may as well kill the lets-hang-eryday-thing. I'm gonna shoot that down erytime.
I'm looking to feel butterflies plain and simple. Intrigue me dammit! You know the kind where when you first meet that person your like "Damn, I need to know him/her". Maybe I'm just a dreamer, but I don't think I'm asking for too much. Am I?
Friday, October 08, 2004
Who you know...?
Okay, I guess to be an "official" blogger I have to complete one of these 100 fact things. So here goes...
Three blogs in one night.!!! I'm movin' on up..
- I'm a libra to heart
- I've been told often that I'm fun to be around(not often that people say GOOD things about you..)
- I have 2 siblings, though most only know about 1.
- I can count on more than one hands my "best" friends.
- I can make it to two hands if I included my "closest" ones.
- I'm a private person.
- I'm a good listener
- I consciously attempt open-mindedness
- I'm scatterbrained
- Only 1-2 people can say they know everything about me.
- I struggle with communication in romantic relationships
- I love to dance.
- When I was younger, I was ashamed of my height(I'm nearly 5'10")
- Now I embrace it, or maybe I just got used to it.
- My mind is rarely at rest.
- I think that's good and bad.
- I have control-issues.
- I enjoy the feeling of being in love.
- Sometimes I wish I was now.
- I'm intrigued by butterflies.
- I have a butterfly tattoo.
- My family dog's name is Koffee.
- I LOVE old school R&B.
- I don't really have a favorite anything.
- I want to marry and have kids.
- I refuse to settle, thus, I'm at times lonely.
- I hate the smell of breath.
- I have unnattractive feet.
- I used to bite my nails until they would bleed.
- I stopped after my aunt was killed when I was 8.
- She always wanted me to stop...
- I never bit them again.
- My family is my strength.
- I hate that my little brother and I aren't as close as I'd like...
- I take responsibility.
- I am a good friend.
- I am truly blessed.
- I feel unnattractive without earrings.
- I love Miami!!!
- I go as often as possible.
- I love dark, thick(muscular) men.
- I love football players...
- If I could tone down my morality, I could be a groupie.
- I love to plan.
- I am extremely impatient.
- I'm a kid at heart.
- I idolize P.Diddy.
- I'm alot more sensitive than people think.
- I hate people who consistently complain.
- I still miss my best friend from college....
- She was probably the best friend I've ever had.
- I've had alot of good friends...
- I closed the book.
- I love living in the city.
- I'm very prideful.
- I hate tense situations w/ loved ones though I love to debate.
- I manipulate well.
- I don't let men in easily.
- The ones that got in, forced their way in.
- I should try to change that...I haven't found a good reason.
- I usually think I'm right.
- I usually convince others that I am also.
- I've never really cheated.
- really is relative.
- I usually think before I speak.
- I hate inconsiderate people.
- I'm very strong for myself and others.
- I hope I won't always have to be.
- My upbringing was very humble...
- Yet it was so beautiful, I thank God everyday.
- I often feel misunderstood.
- I've discovered that some view me as being judgemental.
- I view those some as weak.
- I love a good sale.
- That can be a hindrance.
- I often feel like I don't have anyone to talk to.
- I know that's more of a choice than a circumstance.
- I give friends and loved ones a lot of slack.
- I've been taken for granted.
- I'm a master at detaching.
- I think I like kids more than I thought.
- I concern myself with others more than i should.
- I love to read.
- I have dark secrets.
- I iron nearly everyday of my life.
- When a guy describes me, I hear sexy more often than any thing else.
- I'll take it.
- I wish I could relive my college days.
- I check my email multiple times a day.
- There's a chance I have Adult ADD.
- Maybe we all do...
- Never tasted beer...it smells.
- I'm ready to settle down.
- I'm becoming a pretty good cook...I'm up to about 6/7 dishes.
- Good is relative.
- I know what I want in a mate.
- I wonder if I'll ever find him.
- I appreciate the small things in life.
- I strongly believe everything happens for a reason.
- I hope people start to read this shit!!
Three blogs in one night.!!! I'm movin' on up..
They Got Me....
Lovin'
- Jay on access granted w/ the slim-fittin' sweater...he's such a grown man
- my family and friends for keeping me encouraged and in perspective
SO Bent
- Cheney and Edwards on the subject of Black women and AIDS
- Nigga's with wrecked grills(teeth, not sure who's reading and how up-to-speed you are on slang)
Reminiscing
- My ex's birthday wish
- My more recent's lack thereof
Hopeful
- OBAMA!!!
- A callback on a position I'd forgotten about(I am a dreamer, but I do work ya know!!)
Shame-Faced
- New-aged Hip Hop. ie...Chingy's oration that he's a "balla...high rolla babay" Just shoot me..
- Spinnin' hubcaps on any car with an occupant over the age of 18.
Givin' Groupie Love
- Idris Elba
- The Apprentice
So AMPED
- The Hip Hop series on VH1
- That damn dinner at Butterfield 8(if you didn't know I'm a Sherm by definition so food always takes me there)
Chillin' Out
- Over and Over by Nelly/Tim Mcgraw
- quiet walks alone
At Peace
- my heavenly Father
- the innocence of a little baby named Kanye..I love him(and no he ain't miness!)
It's my Party...
and I'll cry, scream, laugh, and do whatever the hell else I want to. Yep folks, as of yesterday, I've been around a quarter of a century. Damn that's a long time. I was actually pretty depressed yesterday...borderline on the verge of tears. I'm not 100% sure why though...well, maybe I am, but I'm just not that comfortable in this space yet. Let's just say I haven't quite figured out my path to life, love, and happiness yet. Now don't get me twisted...I'm not a step away from Charter... I'm just very methodical in most aspects of my life. So when I don't feel like a have a good sense of direction I can tend to feel like a wanderder or drifter of sorts. I'm a work in progress, what can I say.
A wise man told me today that by 40 it begins to fall in line, but you never REALLY figure it out. By 60, you can begin to relax. This theory was all pretty frightening to me given that this is coming from a very successful, vivacious 64-year old white guy. Damn, THIS CAN'T BE LIFE!!! At least I'm still trying to live.
A wise man told me today that by 40 it begins to fall in line, but you never REALLY figure it out. By 60, you can begin to relax. This theory was all pretty frightening to me given that this is coming from a very successful, vivacious 64-year old white guy. Damn, THIS CAN'T BE LIFE!!! At least I'm still trying to live.
Monday, October 04, 2004
You can find me...
I must say I had a WONDERFUL weekend! Few words can describe the type of fun I had. You'd probably think I'd just jet-setted to MIA or Cabo somewhere. Nope, good old Indy for Classic weekend. Who played? Um, don't know. Score..? No clue. Where were all the party spots..? ....um. All I can say is that I did me, and it was great. I had ALL, I repeat all, of my friends in the same spot. It may seem like a small feat, but I have two different cliques w/ varying types of relationships throughout both. They come from all over the states, however, this past weekend they were in Indy at my girl s.R's home. I mean we lived it up. Let's start w/ Friday:
Friday we all got in around 10pm, met up at s.R's around 11pm. Chilled out, took a sip or two, and snapped pics. Let me add a small disclaimer...at times I may say things that may to some sound conceited or cocky. That's not it at all, I (as are my girls) am just a pretty confident person so if I or whomever I'm speaking of was the shit, then that's just how I'll word it. Hell, If I don't feel myself who will? So back to the night, I got pretty amped just glancing around the room b/c everybody was the complete shit and to have 10 stunners in the same room is just absurd! Absurd in a good way, we're not the type of chicks that like to hang w/ 6's or less. It's unnecessary. That just brings down the caliber of everyone else. But roll w/ a top ten crew and the possibilities are endless. You know what, I apologize...I'm totally off the subject. Just let me have my moment, I don't get the opp to hang w/ my people that often...I was just gassed.
Anyways, so we headed to First Friday's, it was actually pretty lame but it's cool b/c the expectations for the party itself weren't very high. It was cool, no highlights that come to mind. A few clowns that standout, ie. the guy that forced about three of us to dance w/ him as he grimaced and grabbed his nuts, the lanky tall guy w/ the gap the mentioned at least 3 times in 56 seconds that he played ball, and funky-fortyish guy that wanted to invite us to his friend's 12000 sq.ft home(right..) but needed us to bring swimsuits. Oh okay(smile and nod). It was cool saw a lot of old friends, music was decent I guess, so it was cool.
Saturday, chilled went to my other friend's house where two of my best friends stayed. Met up w/ my other best friend and her boyfriend after they made it into town and rolled to P.F. Chang's. Convo'd, drank, yadda, yadda normal stuff.
Saturday night-Main event:
Got over s.R.'s and it was just on from there. I probably shouldn't have even written this with such crescendo b/c I'm not the best storyteller. So you would probably assume that some great detailed story would follow, but I'm not sure if I can do that. Everyone hates that about me sorry... It's not that I don't tell a good story, it's just that I have such a "to the point" personality that I can't remember small details. But I'll try and if it's not to your liking, the hell w/ you...this shit's for me.
So we go to s.R's(it's hard using these aliases over and over) and it seems like everyone started rolling in at the same time. Now we were supposed to have this drinking contest that's only been pubbed for the last month. Needless to say there was none. But if I had to pick a winner I'd say.........ME dammit. I was a f'in soldier, hear me. From the time I stepped in the door I had a cup. Light to dark, dark to fruity, I don't matter...that's for people less grown than myself, I do what I want. Was I sloppy drunk? No. Was I passed out on the floor? No. Nigga, I got discipline. Did I have any great hookups...nah. But one of my girls was working the party like a true player. I was shocked and impressed b/c she NEVER just let's loose like that. It was all very much on the low and you would've never known...but I do. It was rather refreshing to see her step out and just say "hey, I gotta do me." That's cool shit. Bet you'd like me to elaborate...I'd rather not.
But, man it was just a good ass time. A lot of old friends for reminiscing and comfort but just enough new ones to add variety and excitement. I must say I had a good grown-up assed time. Maybe later, I'll have more details...or maybe writing this blog will be enough to satisfy my urge to vent about it. Who knows? Maybe I'll be a more avid writer after my shit looks a little cuter dammit!!!! My blogmaster is playing me write now....
This was all pretty random but that's okay, it's only my second post...I'll get better, maybe not.
Friday we all got in around 10pm, met up at s.R's around 11pm. Chilled out, took a sip or two, and snapped pics. Let me add a small disclaimer...at times I may say things that may to some sound conceited or cocky. That's not it at all, I (as are my girls) am just a pretty confident person so if I or whomever I'm speaking of was the shit, then that's just how I'll word it. Hell, If I don't feel myself who will? So back to the night, I got pretty amped just glancing around the room b/c everybody was the complete shit and to have 10 stunners in the same room is just absurd! Absurd in a good way, we're not the type of chicks that like to hang w/ 6's or less. It's unnecessary. That just brings down the caliber of everyone else. But roll w/ a top ten crew and the possibilities are endless. You know what, I apologize...I'm totally off the subject. Just let me have my moment, I don't get the opp to hang w/ my people that often...I was just gassed.
Anyways, so we headed to First Friday's, it was actually pretty lame but it's cool b/c the expectations for the party itself weren't very high. It was cool, no highlights that come to mind. A few clowns that standout, ie. the guy that forced about three of us to dance w/ him as he grimaced and grabbed his nuts, the lanky tall guy w/ the gap the mentioned at least 3 times in 56 seconds that he played ball, and funky-fortyish guy that wanted to invite us to his friend's 12000 sq.ft home(right..) but needed us to bring swimsuits. Oh okay(smile and nod). It was cool saw a lot of old friends, music was decent I guess, so it was cool.
Saturday, chilled went to my other friend's house where two of my best friends stayed. Met up w/ my other best friend and her boyfriend after they made it into town and rolled to P.F. Chang's. Convo'd, drank, yadda, yadda normal stuff.
Saturday night-Main event:
Got over s.R.'s and it was just on from there. I probably shouldn't have even written this with such crescendo b/c I'm not the best storyteller. So you would probably assume that some great detailed story would follow, but I'm not sure if I can do that. Everyone hates that about me sorry... It's not that I don't tell a good story, it's just that I have such a "to the point" personality that I can't remember small details. But I'll try and if it's not to your liking, the hell w/ you...this shit's for me.
So we go to s.R's(it's hard using these aliases over and over) and it seems like everyone started rolling in at the same time. Now we were supposed to have this drinking contest that's only been pubbed for the last month. Needless to say there was none. But if I had to pick a winner I'd say.........ME dammit. I was a f'in soldier, hear me. From the time I stepped in the door I had a cup. Light to dark, dark to fruity, I don't matter...that's for people less grown than myself, I do what I want. Was I sloppy drunk? No. Was I passed out on the floor? No. Nigga, I got discipline. Did I have any great hookups...nah. But one of my girls was working the party like a true player. I was shocked and impressed b/c she NEVER just let's loose like that. It was all very much on the low and you would've never known...but I do. It was rather refreshing to see her step out and just say "hey, I gotta do me." That's cool shit. Bet you'd like me to elaborate...I'd rather not.
But, man it was just a good ass time. A lot of old friends for reminiscing and comfort but just enough new ones to add variety and excitement. I must say I had a good grown-up assed time. Maybe later, I'll have more details...or maybe writing this blog will be enough to satisfy my urge to vent about it. Who knows? Maybe I'll be a more avid writer after my shit looks a little cuter dammit!!!! My blogmaster is playing me write now....
This was all pretty random but that's okay, it's only my second post...I'll get better, maybe not.
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